15 THINGS YOU SHOULDN’T BE SAYING TO YOUR CHILD, BUT YOU ARE

“Talk with your mind before you talk with your tongue.”

One of the toughest parts of parenting is dealing with your child, more particularly talking to him and keeping patience. Trying to be a strict parent, you are actually doing him more harm than good. It’s time to walk a step closer to the gentler parent you need to be. Remember, facing the truth heals.

1. “What have you done? Is this the way you do it? Wait, let me show you once again.”

   This is called spoiling your child’s confidence the right way. Give him time to learn on his own. Guide him, but don’t undermine his confidence.

   “That’s a good try. Let me teach you how to improve on it.”

2. “Stop crying right now!” or “Don’t act like a baby!”

   Your child isn’t wrong in expressing his emotions and frustrations. Let him cry, you are supposed to help him talk openly and communicate his feelings easily.

   “Come here, let’s see what’s the matter.”

3. “You are so lazy.” or “You are so slow, hurry up!”

   Stressing a child doesn’t help in any way. Calling your child lazy won’t make him to do any better.

   “Give her a little more time to prepare and assist him in doing it faster.”

4. “Look at that child/sibling, she is so much better than you.”

   Comparison is poison, it won’t make him any better. Don’t make your child feel inferior, it attacks their self-esteem. Reflect on how unique he is in his own way.

   “Accept him the way he is. Train him in ways that can polish his innate skills.”

5. “Why do you keep on asking the same thing every time?” or “How many times do I have to tell you the same thing?”

   If he does it wrong, you will be the one who will scold him. So, it’s good if he is clarifying things beforehand. Be patient. Children are carefree, it’s okay to give them reminders. They will eventually learn to be responsible.

   “Remember, I told this to you just yesterday? Start being a little attentive.”

6. “You are a grown-up now. Grown-ups don’t cry/do that/get scared.”

   Your child’s age cannot be an excuse to not do certain things, let them enjoy it. Also, don’t make them confine their emotions and fears within themselves. Help them grow strong.

   “Isn’t this so much fun?” “Let’s face it and not let the fear limit us.”

7. “I didn’t expect this from you.” or “I am very disappointed in you.” or “I am ashamed of you.”

   He is growing up. He will make mistakes, even you did. It is a part of the growing up process. Don’t make him feel ashamed of himself, it will only add to his pain.

   “Guide him towards the right track. Teach him how he can take a lesson from his mistake.”

8. “I will hit you harder this time.” or “I will throw you out of the house.”

   You are only frightening your child and emotionally disturbing him. Take a break; come back when you have calmed down.

   “I am mad right now. We’ll talk about it later.”

9. “You are just like your father/mother.”

   Are you really teaching him to disrespect his parents? You may be saying it angrily but this will sink deeper inside your child. Our parents are our first role models, our first teachers. We cannot learn to have ill-feelings about them.

   “This behavior of yours upsets me a lot.”

10. “You cannot do that now, you will learn when you grow up.”

    It’s good if your child shows interest himself in new things – the quality of a genius! Let him be helpful, it’s all a part and parcel of his learning process.

    “Would you like to help me in doing this?”

11. “You are not a boy/girl.”

    No gender discrimination, please! There is no rule book that restricts a set of things for a certain gender.

    “All of us have our own tastes and preferences.”

12. “You are perfect.” or “You are so smart.”

    This makes your child proud and damages his self-esteem. Don’t make him feel superior over others. He will start looking down upon his mates. Further, he will also avoid taking up new tasks for the fear of failure. Complement him the right way.

    “You did it just because you worked hard for it.” or “That’s great! I am sure you are going to do it better the next time.”

13. “Stupid! Idiot! Dumb!”

    A big “No! No!” to ramblings. You are only negatively impacting his confidence and mood, and also hampering your relationship with him.

    “Do not call him offensive names or verbally abuse him. Be patient.”

14. “We can’t afford it.”

    He doesn’t have to know your financial difficulties. 

    “You have a classic taste. How about we shop for it the next time?” or “I think I have a better alternative to this, wanna check out?”

15. “When I was a kid,…”

    You don’t have to spill the beans of your naughty childhood in front of your kid and teach him ways to prank his neighbors.

    “Laugh at your child’s naughtiness silently, but don’t let him know.”